Honeymoon for the Experienced

At first you hardly notice it. Don’t want to notice it. Can’t accept that it’s happening. But little by little, recognition dawns – as does the shock.

First there’s your hairdresser, whose blank eyes seem to be focused on anything but your dyed locks her practiced hands are dressing.

Then there’s the bank-teller, looking as though he should still be at school, explaining to you the finer points of banking procedure too loudly and too clearly, almost as if he thinks you’ve just dropped in on planet earth and banking is a novelty to you.

And then, the bitterest blow of all.

You’re sitting on a bar stool, new hair-do, new outfit, looking absolutely drop-down gorgeous, when you see this young fellow smiling warmly as he begins to move in your direction. In the middle of your own gratified answering smile, you realize with horror, that he’s smiling at your neighbour. A fifteen year old with a fake ID and make-up put on with a trowel.

That’s when it hits you. You’re becoming invisible.

In a culture that will see the majority of men and women marry more than once – and sometimes when they’re fifty, sixty and even older – it’s difficult for an older couple not to notice the effect they’re having on the younger generation. If they also happen to choose a honeymoon playground largely patronized by the very young, they can’t avoid seeing how their togetherness seems to arouse smiles and nudges.

To counter the feeling of reduction, and to assert themselves as people in their own rights, older couples tend to react in two different ways. There are those that adopt all the attributes of the very young – acting, talking, dressing as if they were, in fact, twenty years younger than they are. At the other extreme, they become the grumpy old men and women who fail to see anything of value in the youth-worshiping world of today.

Those imitating youth, sooner or later reach the conclusion that acting like a young goat is not only not satisfying, but actually gives them that hollow feeling of being less than they are.

But just because they decide to stop imitating youth, doesn't mean that now they have to go the way of the grumps. Perhaps the world isn’t the way it used to be, but being open to new ideas as youth tends to be, allows you to feel less like a visitor in your own world. It may even help you to enjoy life on your own terms.