Remember the frenzy of the paparazzi when they caught Sarah Ferguson, the
Duchess of York, having her toe sucked at a beach? What was the big deal? Was it
that she was so well-known? Or was it that this piece of fore play was being
conducted in a more or less public place? Or was it the toe itself that did it?
When it comes to love-making, we thought we’d seen it all.
We know people do it in showers and baths, on board tables or under them,
horizontally or slightly perpendicular, and vertically flat against a brick wall
or against something anchored to the ground. But in all this, the toe just
didn’t figure.
Sure, we do seem to remember that guy who toasted a beauty of his time by
drinking out of her slipper. But we didn’t really believe that it happened. Or
if it did, we could only assume that the gallant had already had a few drinks
before he came up with the idea.
But as queasy as we get thinking about using a slipper as a glass, the
imagination boggles at the thought of a toe as a snack. After all, when we look
at our shoes in the dark recesses of our wardrobe we know where those toes have
been, and are not entirely reassured that they’re worth any attention at all,
let alone the intimacy of a suck or two.
Yes, we have heard that toes, like other body appendages, are sensitive
and can be as arousing as the more recognized erogenous zones. But we also know
our feet. So long as we remember that the soles are like sandpaper, the nails as
hard as a rhinoceros horn, and about as sweet smelling as a three or four day
old fish, love-making and toes will never be an equation in our books.
We’ll nibble the ears, kiss the fingers, make a few detours down the
length of the body, stopping well beyond the danger zone of the toes.
It has been said that the man who first ate an oyster must have been the
bravest man on earth. The same must be said of the man or woman who first
decided to try out the toes.
So if you consider yourself a hot lover, and have never tried out your
partner’s toes, you’ve still a long way to go.